William W. Lee, Ed.D.

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Controlling Anger

According to the American Psychological Association anger is a normal and usually healthy human emotion but when it gets out of contol and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships and in the overall quality of your life.

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage, according to Charles Spielberger, Ph.D. who studies anger. It is accompanied by physiological and biological changes - when you get angry your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as does the level of your energy hormones - adrenaline and noradrenalin. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a co-worker or supervisor) or event ( a traffic jam, a cancelled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively since it is a response to perceived threats and often triggers feelings and behaviors whcih allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. Therefore, a certain amount of anger is necessary to our survival. However, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use any of three main approaches to deal with their angry feelings - expressing, suppressing and calming.

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward - on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension. high blood pressure or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything and making cynical comments haven't learn how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they are't likely to have many successful relationships.  

Finally, you can calm yourself down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down and let the feelings subside.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Some people get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person. There are those who don't show their anger in loud ways but are chronically grumpy and irritable. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things, sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk or get physically ill. Easily angered individuals generally have a low tolerance for frustration, meaning that they feel they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience or annoyance. They can't seem to take things in stride and are particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust.

Strategies You Can Use to Keep Anger at Bay